Divorce as it Impacts Children: What and What Not to Believe

I am, similar to approximately every  one out of two kids, a product of divorce (see image right). Divorce is a constant and perpetual machine that tears through people’s lives. It is a present and ongoing issue that is sure to persist well into the future assuming that people continue to marry. And yet, because divorce shatters every notion of the American Dream, we do not take much interest in pondering it lest it directly affect our families and us. It is not important until we become its victim. Additionally, divorce is something so prevalent and “normal” in our culture that we cease to deem it significant and rather see it as an unfortunate inevitability of life for some. Because the turmoil resulting from divorce often affects the children involved, there is a clear developmental-psychological component to divorce. Most of the research that has been done concerning children of divorced parents depicts the child as extremely fragile and vulnerable. A kid is thought to be indelibly scarred by the prospect of his or her parent’s divorce—the damage said to be irreparable. Having been through it myself, I cannot help but be skeptical towards the available literature. While I recognize that a smooth and friendly separation like that of my parents is a rarity, I fervently believe that the existing information concerning children of divorce is flawed. Not all children react to their parent’s divorce the same way: age, emotional stability, and the circumstances and reasons for the divorce all need to be taken into account. It is wrong to lump all children into one uniform category.

Last Saturday, an article posted on the MormonTimes titled, “The greatest gift you can give your children,” argued that what children want and need the most is a mother and father who love each other. The article discusses the negative effects of divorce, stating that ill fortune invariably spills into all areas of their life as a result. Among a laundry-list of negative consequences are that “divorce sows lasting inner conflict in children’s lives even when their parents did not fight”, “children of divorce are forced to grow up too fast”, “children often lose contact with their fathers”, “children must learn to worry about child abuse, sexual abuse and kidnapping by the non-custodial parent”, “children will worry about their stuff, because it is often lost in the constant traveling”, and “children become a keeper of secrets.” While some of these outcomes may possibly be accurate for certain individuals, it is hard to believe that these dire consequences would be true for all or even most kids. The statements are nonsensical and overly exaggerated, failing to take into account the individual differences that exist among humans. Rather than research and accrue sound data and accurate statements on the subject, the author seems to be using false overstatements in order to promote the idea of marriage as being the sole way to protect children.

Surprised at finding such a recent and yet uninformed article, I continued to search the web to see what other information is available to those interested in the impact of parental divorce. I was astonished with what I found: myriad articles discussing the same inflated and exaggerated results. “An Exploration of the Ramifications of Divorce on Children and Adolescents,” boldly states, “divorce is an intensely stressful experience for all children, regardless of age or developmental level” (see image right). It is hard to imagine that even a young infant would be able to comprehend the complex nature of relationships, let alone divorce. From my own experience, I do not recall any feelings of stress or vulnerability when my parents separated. I was two years old. It depends largely on how the parents decide to involve or even better, not to involve their children in the tangled environment of their divorce. Not all children will harness the same reaction. Similarly, not everyone will endure the “long term consequences on psychosocial functioning,” nor a “life altering impact on the well being and subsequent development.” Most of all, it is not necessarily true that “the consequences of divorce impact all aspects of a child’s life, including the parent child relationship, emotions and behavior, psychological development, and coping skills.” From simply looking around, it is evident that on average, children are able to develop normally despite the fact that every one out of two kids have experienced divorce in their lives. If facts like the ones quoted were true, we would see many more maladjusted kids and people in society. Granted this particular website lists information that is a few years old, it is still readily available to all who seek information regarding the subject, and is not very different from the data just recently posted within the past week.

In another article dated from February 22nd, 2009, the author poses the question as to whether the state should be able to restrict divorce, being that it has such negative effects on children. As in the column written for the Mormon Times, this too appears to be propaganda for promoting and sanctifying traditional marriage rather than to actually provide information on children dealing with divorce. It contends that divorce laws are too relaxed and need to become more strident in order to preserve marriage since children are “devastated” by divorcing parents. Moreover, in yet another new opinion piece from the Seattle Times (February 25th, 2009), it is said that “children of divorce are our most fragile social statistic: over 70 percent of high-school dropouts and pregnant teens girls come from fatherless homes as well as the 80-85 percent of male teens in juvenile justice centers.” Nowhere in the piece is there proof or studies cited of where the statistics are obtained. It seems there is a lot left to learn on the topic of parental divorce and the psychological effects on children. There is similarly a lot left to learn on how to provide information with credible evidence.

Fortunately, upon further investigation, a small number of resources arose finally boasting reliable information. Most notable was a study called “Life-Span Adjustment of Children to Their Parents’ Divorce.” In it, the author carefully seeks to extricate and identify all aspects that interact in a divorce and the resulting impacts on children. While he does illustrate that children of divorce do indeed encounter more issues in their daily lives, he emphasizes that the overall group differences between children of divorce and other children are small, “with considerable diversity existing in children’s reactions to divorce.” As a true researcher, this author presents all the nitty-gritty details and stresses that there are several factors that determine a child’s outcome after a divorce. The important ones include the amount and quality of contact with noncustodial parents, the custodial parents’ psychological adjustment and parenting skills, the level of interparental conflict that precedes and follows divorce, the degree of economic hardship to which children are exposed, and the number of stressful life events that accompany and follow divorce. All these aspects are what culminate and interact to determine a child’s outcome. If there is anything that I learned from statistics class, it is that we should never believe the first bit of information that we find and the data that is listed. When searching for answers to imperative and life-related questions, like the psychological impact that divorce may have on children, make sure that the information is backed with dependable data. Analyze who is presenting it, where it is coming from, and what the potential motives may be. A credible online journal does not necessarily always yield purely accurate results.

Perhaps now we can rest assured that we may not necessarily be forever scarred and doomed by the prospect of divorce—like many life experiences, the end product depends largely on a multitude of factors.